Rejected Fortune Cookie Messages

...and the reasons why they were rejected.

Let a smile be your pencillin.
[Possible fatal if followed literally]

You need more self-confidence, stupid!
[No exclamation points]

Confucius say, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
[Quote actually attributed to W.C. Fields]

Your wife is sleeping around.
[The truth hurts]

A duck with two beaks eats its own eggs.
[Possibly mistranslated from original Cantonese]

What is best in life is to crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.
[Too long]