Local Man Brutally Bisects Wife

PERIMETER CITY, FLATLAND (AP) -- Local residents were shocked to learn this morning that one of their neighbors had committed a heinous act during the night. For reasons yet unknown, businessman A. Square, attacked his wife with an acute angle while she slept, visciously cutting her in two. He was then discovered at dawn spinning wildly in the street, covered in his wife's blood and cackling, "It's true! It's true!" Mr. Square was taken away by local police as his neighbors watched. "He seemed like such a nice shape," commented one pentagon, "Always putting his best face forward." Another resident stated, "He'd been rather irregular and on edge as of late, talking about beings from another dimension." Mr. Square is expected to be charged with 45-degree murder and tried in the Euclidean court by the end of the week.