Go Ask Alice

"The Dormouse is asleep again," said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, "Of course, of course: just what I was going to remark myself."

"Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

"No, I give it up," Alice replied. "What's the answer?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," said the Hatter.

"Nor I," said the March Hare.

Alice roughly pushed herself away from the table and stood. "That's it!" she cried, her face turning red. "I've had it up to here with this fucking place!" She pointed an accusing finger at the Hatter. "You and your goddamn riddle!" She turned to the March Hare. "And you I should cook up and eat with fucking mint jelly! And this thing," she waved her hand at the Dormouse, "I don't even know with the fuck this thing is! And you lot aren't even the worst of it! Have you even seen that bastard Cheshire Cat? He freaks me right the fuck out." The Hatter moved to speak, but Alice cut him off. "Now you three dickwads tell me how to get out of here, or I swear to God, I will cut off your balls. I am fucking serious."

The Hatter and the March Hare looked nervously at each other, and then back at Alice, whose lips were flecked with spittle. "Through the gate, turn left, and go about a mile down the road. There's a door in the tall oak that should take you straight home," the March Hare said meekly.

Alice stormed off. When she was gone, the Hatter scooped a spoon of sugar into his tea and remarked, "Well, she was quite mad, wasn't she?" The March Hare nodded in agreement.