Paparazzi Don't Preach!

Celebrity Week here on Phlogiston continues apace! Today we have an exclusive interview with photographer of the stars Ernesto Gugliani!

PHLOG: Welcome, Mr. Gugliani. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule of snapping photos of celebrities in their most intimate of moments to talk with us.
EG: My pleasure. Please, call me Ernesto.
PHLOG: Sure thing, Ernie. Now...
EG: No, Ernesto.
PHLOG: What?
EG: You called me Ernie. It's Ernesto.
PHLOG: Really? Sorry about that.
EG: No problem.
PHLOG: Now, Ern, who is the biggest celebrity you've ever taken a picture of? Not counting James Coco, of course. *laughs*
EG: Who?
PHLOG: James Coco. He was kind of a big fat...never mind, just answer the question Ernadette.
EG: Ah, that would be the beautiful Angelina Jolie.
PHLOG: Really?
EG: Yes, I managed to get a lovely picture of her sunbathing. Nude. In her shower.
PHLOG: Wowza! You don't happen to have a copy of that on you?
EG: I do!
PHLOG: Hey, hey! This is something else! I...wait a minute, this isn't Angelina Jolie! You just pasted her head onto a recent Playboy spread!
EG: What?! Never!!
PHLOG: And this isn't even Angelina Jolie's face! It kind of looks like...ugh! It is! Steven Tyler!
EG: How dare you! I am a professional!
PHLOG: You're a pervert, more like. Get this thing out of my sight! I've seen more convincing cut-and-paste jobs on a kindergarten classroom wall!
EG: This interview is over!

Mr. Gugliani (if indeed that is his real name) then proceeded to hit me about the head and neck with his camera bag, which burst open revealing that it was not, in fact, filled with camera equipment, but shredded newspaper and apple cores. He then stormed out of the restaurant where we were having lunch, sticking me with the bill.