Moving and Shaking (Shaking Not Recommended)

Well, I just finished the big move to Queens and as part of my continuining efforts in list-based humor, I bring you some helpful packing and moving tips that I learned during my experience.

• Remember to pack your fragile items in a cushiony material to avoid breakage. While not the cheapest material, shredded havarti cheese is the most delicious.
  
• Do not ask homeless people if they have any cardboard boxes they can spare, it's just rude.
• With a name like "Two Shifty Guys with an Unmarked Van," they are probably not the most reliable moving service.
• Be courteous to the next tenant of your old apartment and take a minute to throw out all those wadded-up tissues in the corner of the bedroom.
• If you haven't found a new place by your moving date, find a realtor who will let you "test drive" a new apartment for a week or two.
• Most people say that moving is just as stressful as getting a divorce or experiencing a death in your family. To relieve some of the pressure of moving day, go ahead and leave your spouse or kill your mother. Moving won't seem so bad after that!