It's...the Dapper Dildo!

Ok, this is part of the reason that I've been absent as of late.

Baked Ziti Productions has submitted our first pilot to Channel 102, and it features yours truly as one of the leads. The other being, of course, a magical British dildo.

"What does this have to do with me?" I can hear you saying with my high-powered shotgun microphone. Well, if you are going to be in or around the Manhattan area this coming Monday Aug. 28, then you can come to the screening and vote. For us!

The screening is at the Anthology Film Archives and it'll cost you $5 to get in. Come early and come often!

If you can't make it that evening, be sure to check out Channel 102 the next day, as I'm sure you'll be able to view our video there by then.

Gone Fishin'

You might notice a lack of posts over the past few days and for the next few days to come. Honestly, I'm trying to do more work on some of my other projects (a multitude, at least), so the ol' Phlogiston is going to get a bit of the short stick until I'm freer and clearer. However, if something uproariously hilarious (say that five times fast) sprouts in my noggin, I'll be sure to slap it up here.

MindFellas

I had the oddest dream last night.

I was in a dark place, a light fog drifting across the floor. At first it was empty, but after a moment, I could see that the entire space was filled with thousands of trinkets scattered about. And all of them seemed...familiar somehow.

Then, this man stepped out of the shadows. He was dressed in a finely tailored pinstriped suit. He held a gray fedora in his hands and he smiled as he approached me.

"Nice psyche you got here," he said with a thick Brooklyn accent, "be a shame if...something...were to happen to it."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, bewildered.

"Nothin'. Maybe you wake up one morning and some precious childhood memories are missing. Or maybe you uncover something so terrible about your past that it causes you to crumple up into a ball, sobbing. Or maybe nothin'."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Me? No! I'm just a concerned citizen. A concerned citizen who could maybe help you out."

"This is about money!"

"Most things are. I'll let you think it over. Have a good night's sleep." He waved and disappeared back into the darkness.

Weird, huh? I mean, there's no way it could be true, and even if it was, I don't think that I'd fork over...OH GOD DADDY WHY?!?!

Be Cool

For all those playas out there sweltering in the heat, I present my recipe for:

Fresh Fruit Smoovies
1 cup strawberries, hulled
2 bananas
1-1/2 cups of plain yogurt
1 bottle Courvoisier
2 tablets of Spanish Fly

Combine ingredients into blender and blend until smoove.

What a Show!

A bit of a holdover from Celebrity Week: