Six-Word Stories Intrigue This Author

Wired recently printed a feature wherein writers from all sorts of genres took a stab at writing entire stories in six words. I thought I'd give it a try too.

The medicine brought freedom from death.

End of the world postponed indefinitely.

Ahab: "Fuck that whale! Fetch hookers!"

Falling from the stars, I laughed.

Their love moved mountains. Thousands died.

Mario's world destroyed by reset button.

Lexicality

Today, we'll talk about the etymological history of the blessing "Godspeed." Contrary to what you might think, it has nothing to do with velocity. The word "Godspeed" is actually a corrupted contraction of "God's pee," as in "May God's pee be upon you." In the Middle Ages, it was a popular belief that the urinary excretion of a powerful person splashed on one's person would bring luck. Historians suspect that this belief was propagated by the royalty of the time so that they might piss on their subjects and have it considered by a good thing.

Campaign

I don't know...I do like his water-into-wine policy...

The Most Unluckiest Time of the Year

Well, folks, its another Friday the--*CRASH*--oh Christ, I accidentally knocked over the mirror that sits by my computer. Man, there are just glass shards everywhere. Let me just clean this up real quick...

And take these pieces out to the trash, so they don't cut up the garbage bag inside. Weird. Who put this ladder up in the hallway? Well, let me just squeeze under it so I can get outside...

Whoa! Watch out there, kitty! That cat just darted out of nowhere. Nearly tripped me up, too! Beautiful cat, though--glossy coat, piercing green eyes--I wish people would keep a better eye on their pets though.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, what was I talking about?

Oh, right! Happy Birthday, Mom!!

We're Running Out of Adjectives

...here at work, to describe Sudoku. Our titles range from Easy Suduko to Extreme Sudoku to Maximum Sudoku to Crazy Sudoku. And since we put out like three new Sudoku titles every other month, this is quickly going to become a problem. Luckily, though, I'm here to save the day! I humbly propose:

• Straight Up Sudoku
• Rock Hard Sudoku
• Spicy Mexican Style Sudoku
• Rough Sudoku
• Barely Legal Sudoku
• Threatening Sudoku
• Natural Sudoku
• Overly Enthusiastic Sudoku
• Enough Sudoku!
  

I Want This Song Played at My Wedding

Seriously.

Hilariously beautiful.

And, no, that's not Ray Romano singing.

Movie Psychology

Case File: Silent Hill

While on the surface this movie suffers from pointlessly graphic imagery, violence towards children and women, being based (a little too faithfully) on a video game, and a generally confusing and pointless ending, we have determined through discussion, that this movie's problems actually lay firmly on the makers.

Thus we have diagnosed patient Silent Hill as the first ever case of Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome in a movie.

Our recommendations for treatment are that the makers should be deprived of pot and video games for three months, and their cameras should be taken away permanently.

-Drs. Johnson and Keeley

Google Image Search Story

For today, I found a good random word generator, generated a random word, and then fed it into Google Image Search.

The word: disputant
The image:


That's some dispute! So what, exactly, is going on here? Sure, I could go back to the page where I found this image and do a little research, but that's no fun. Ok, the colors are little dark, but I'm going to have to say that this is sort of an early version of a Jerry Springer-esque brawl. That figure in the middle--probably some kind of extreme nudist--was just insulted by that guy on the far left--the one who looks like he has some serious hockey hair going on--and started wailing on the mullet dude with his tiny little fists. So security--the two on the right--have come in to break up the fight. And, of course, that one security guy needs a shield to block the arrows being fired by the audience.

School Spirit

Downstairs

I thought I would be relieved when they closed the piano bar downstairs from my apartment, but they replaced it with something much worse. It's not the light that bothers me (my window doesn't face the street), but the crowd of people outside at all hours makes it really difficult to get into my building.

The Happy Midget

Is there any reason to wonder why this little guy is smiling so?


I do believe I've decided to make this an all-picture week. Oh, and word of advice: don't Google Image Search "happy midget" if you value your eyeballs.

Tape Worm

I'll be talking a lot about Halloween this month, as its a favorite holiday of mine. I usually spend the month gearing up and, luckily, I found this old cassette amidst all my junk this morning. Perfect!